The Flag

There are people who are very fond of their flag. In some countries it symbolises national pride, in some it's actually an offence to destroy or deface the national flag. Yet, as a british citizen I don't feel the pride and joy many fellow brits feel when they see their flag, I just feel miserable as I think of what it's come to represent.

It all started the day I saw an advert for a local double glazing company whose name escapes me. They'd somehow managed to incorporate the union flag into their logo, presumably to show their heritage as a british company and encourage proud british citizens admire them for this. However, it had the opposite effect on me; I saw the flag in the logo and my mind immediately told me "BNP leaflet" before had the chance to actually read the text. It's sad when a far-right organisation like the BNP can hijack a country's flag to the point that a citizen of that country begins to associate their own flag with extreme right-wing politics. But as my life went on, I began to find this only too apt.

I've always hated patriotic people. For me, patriotism is basically borderline xenophobia, the belief that one nation is better or worse than another. The way I see it, being patriotic is just like being religious: it's admirable to others with similar views, but repugnant to everyone else. Face it: despite being a pretty good place to live, Britain isn't perfect. Even the whole concept of "buy british" annoys me - if you can buy the same product cheaper or quicker from another country then why don't you? I like to think of myself as an entirely logical and rational being, and patriotism for the sake of it is completely incompatible with this. Especially in a country like the UK where - apart from the Isle of Wight and certain parts of Cornwall - we've been raped and pillaged so many times by everyone from the vikings to the french that there aren't actually any indigenous people here any more, and if there were they'd be easy to spot thanks to their extra fingers.

As an aside, please don't get me wrong. I'm not ashamed to be british. OK, our history on the world stage isn't exactly rosy, but I don't believe we or anyone else should be judged on the sins of our fathers. And even though I strongly disagree with a good percentage of what our current government does or says, you can't hate the people of a country based on their government. I despise the opressive nature of the chinese government, for example, but I don't hate chinese people. In fact, the few chinese people I know are all really friendly, and outrageously polite. Their manufacturing industry is going from strength to strength, and their food is considered a delicacy. China is mostly good, it's just the politics that let it down. So no, bringing this argument back home, despite my many problems with the UK I'm not ashamed to be british. We have (for the time being anyway) an excellent national healthcare system that ensures poor people and those out of work can get the same treatment as the super-rich, a superb public broadcaster in the BBC, and I don't think any other country makes better beer than we do. OK, so our illustrious leader has made us the laughing stock of Europe, we let the US buttfuck us on a regular basis and keep crying for more, and we started a few silly wars over trivial things like oil and penguin-infested rocks in the atlantic, I can ignore those when I consider that the alternative could be living somewhere like North Korea.

But I do draw the line at the flag. I can happily say that you will never see me waving a union flag. And to understand why, you only have to look at what it stands for, and where you see it the most. BNP rallies and mindless patriotism we've already discussed. Football matches (OK, mainly the St George's flag rather than the union flag, but the same applies), and other sporting events. I imagine that with the olympics in London this year, manufacturing flags is probably a good business in which to be. Wars. Every time some huge great boat pulls up at Portsmouth docks, the flags start to fly. And anything to do with Royalty. If the queen takes a day off her usual job of sitting on her arse, her loyal subjects line the streets waving their little flags, their tiny, primitive minds so pleased to be supporting the very notion of a ruler chosen by an accident of birth rather than any kind of democratic process. These are things that the union flag represent to me. Things to which I'm extremely opposed, like racism, wars and the monarchy, and things that don't actually matter but people take far too seriously, like football and the olympics. You don't see people waving union flags while enjoying a pint of fine english ale, collecting their prescription from the chemist, watching Doctor Who or eating fish and chips. The flag represents, to me, everything that's wrong with this country, from bloody imperialism right down to Geri Halliwell.