This is not just any old box

May be old hat to some, but yesterday I witnessed, for the first time, a show on ITV entitled "The Cube". Basically, the idea is that a contestant, cheered on by a group of his mates who are there for no apparent reason at all, stands in a hoofing great glass cube and has to perform some menial task. Think Crystal Maze with absolutely no imagination. And I mean no imagination because the tasks range from 'press the button when the light comes on' to 'pick up some balls and put them in a tube'. It's possibly the most unintentionally hilarious example of polishing a turd that I've ever seen, as the whole thing is filmed with unnecessary slow motion, outrageous CG augmentations and even bullet-time shots. There are strategy conversations with the host, Phillip Scofield, which cover the task down to virtually sub-atomic level, futuristic theming, and lots of pulse-pounding bass in a vain attempt to disguise the fact that you're watching a bloke in a box picking up some plastic balls.

It has a sort of 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' feel in that the tasks themselves last seconds but it's dressed up with so much bullshit by the host and by the format of the show (and almost US-levels of commercial breaks) that they somehow manage to stretch 10 minutes of actual games across a whole 60 minutes of channel time. Again, borrowing from Millionaire we have the 'cash ladder' graphics (rendered in post-production on to the shot as if they are visible to the contestant) and the 'lifelines' which in this game involve 'Trial Run', allowing a contestant a chance to try a game before comitting to it, and 'Simplify' which involves - er - picking up less balls, presumably.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... I'm so glad we still have the BBC, or innovation on TV would have been dead long ago.